Obama Joke(s)

The first part is the original one sent by a family member and then followed by my own modification/version.

President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID"?

Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America !!!!"

Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the new regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc I must insist on seeing ID"

Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am"

Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Obama: "I am urging you please to cash this check"

Cashier: "Look Mr.. President this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States ?"

Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally said: "Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"

And now my very own version of the ending (I need to copyright this ..haha)...

Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally said sarcastically and arrogantly:
“Ok, I’m  the  Black President! ...uhmmmm.... with a white house by the way!”

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"

Obama (jokingly): Sorry, I don’t like bills, I’ve seen and signed enough of them ...give me that in change!

Cashier (bemused): Change? ... CHAAAANGE?

Obama (giggles): Are you crazy? ... I was just kidding!!

Cashier:  Of course you were!!!!



The Day Samoa Lost Her Innocence

It was just a matter of time before Samoa had its initiation in today’s rites of fast-and-instant-do-it-yourself-homemade sex videos. With the ready availability of mobiles, cell phones and other gadgets, loaded with ubiquitous and often predatory apps and services, all at nanosecond speeds, the limits and possibilities of what one can do with them within the privacy of his/her own home, are endless - and boundless. Obviously.

And though the initiation has been loathed by many - at least publicly - it seemed to have been feted by the young and the restless as they circulated and shared the clip, which then slithered onto the Internet.

Subsequently, the panic and shame started rippling through paradise - and beyond. The Catholic Church school - at which the culprit was a student - dived into damage control mode trying to stop the spread of the stigma virus.  The moral psyche of the people was nudged from napping, while the vehicle of government shifted to overdrive in revising existing laws to allow for the indictment of pimps and distributors. Rumors circulated of the girl’s family being banished from their village and letters to a local newspaper (with an online circulation and readership) urged forgiveness, while some issued reprimands and denouncements and still others injected sarcasm suggesting that the video was an effective antidote for some perennial discomforts the girl may have been suffering.

Samoa needs to learn quickly to come to terms with the influx of changes - good and bad - especially those spawned by technology. From a basic and often distorted outside perspective, Samoa is eons behind the rest of the world - if not still very much in Margaret Mead’s sextopia. Reality, however, is that distance, in all its imaginable connotations, is dead - killed by technology - and Samoa is therefore hobnobbing with the most technologically advanced countries in the world. That can be good and commendable for a remote island nation to stay abreast with today’s developments and innovation in technology.

However, the same tenacious approach of staying current with global trends, along with enthusiasm for the latest and greatest innovation, are sometimes spurned and viewed with suspicion, skepticism and paranoia - if not evil - by the older and more conservative generations. As a result, the generation gap seems to be made even wider by today’s fast changing world. And though many young people still espouse the traditional and Christian values of their parents, even in the face of riotous and egregious modern influxes, dilemmas and confusion have become real problems among Samoan youth of today. In some cases these young people resort to rebellion and eventually suicide in coping with resulting despair.

To echo Dickens, I guess these can be the best of times and the worst of times. I still remember when the song “Rosalia” (70's) was shunned and even banned from the airwaves of 2AP (Samoa’s then only radio station) because of its sexually suggestive lyrics. Today it is freely played and distributed. And though the song is definitely not on a par with the sex video, it certainly shows how times have changed. Samoa’s innocence has been on a diminishing path until the coinage broadband revives the feminine/sex connotation, and the godless is found on the wireless, the vile on the mobile, and hell on the cell...and thus Samoa’s eyes were finally opened. Literally and otherwise!

“We each begin in innocence. We all become guilty.” ~ Leonard F. Peltier


A rocky relationship

A mayor in a small town in Quebec gave this rock to his wife - make that ex-wife - as a birthday present complete with a bow and “Happy Birthday” written on it.

The mayor said that his wife had been harassing him and complained that he had never given her a rock. So the mayor delivered to her house a rock (boulder) - not a diamond, as the ex-wife had wanted.

Moral of the story:  “If you want to be prolific and terrific, be specific!” Some men can be quite horrific! If you want a diamond, say diamond - not rock! .....LOL!

The name/word “Isa” reminds me of something that only Filemoni would do! ..Hahaaa!! 
Koeikiki fo’i salalau pagikeke i lou ulu! .........................Isa!

The BBB !!

AP photo of Barack's Big Black Bus
The Americans have been thrown under the bus - The Big Black Bus (BBB) as it is now called.

The Bus is certainly BIG in size and . ..uhmm... price - $1.1 million. Yes, as if the US is not in deep-dodo-debt and yet Obama is like a little kid who runs joyfully to Toys-R-US (pun intended) and buys himself a toy on his parents’ overextended credit.

So what about this BBB? (Actually it’s not one but two such $1.1- million buses!)

The Secret Service says it’s about time they have buses like this in the President’s fleet. The Bus is armored, has bulletproof windows, shiny wheels and high-tech features/options. I’m sure inside the Bus is a BassBlastingBoomBox too - might as well, they go together with the shiny wheels. And while we’re at it, let’s add another “B” for a personalized license plate "Barack’s Big Black Bus"

Again, the Americans have been thrown under the BBB Bus. In what sense? Well, it’s not so much the money spent or the bad timing of the purchase (since the Secret Service says that it will be used for other dignitaries and Presidents too), but the fact that Obama is campaigning in three states using the $1.1 million Bus and then disguising it as a Bus Tour (yeaaah riiiight!), that certainly begs the question “whooyoofoolin’ man?” Obama’s people say it’s a bus tour, but during the stops, the President continues to attack the GOP 2012 candidates and blasting the Republicans.  C’mooon!  Oh, and the three states he’s touring are the three that propelled him to victory in 2008.  So is Obama starting to size up the 2012 election? Definitely!

And since he has blamed everyone else but himself for the current mess with the economy, it’s possible he is going to blame Sarah Palin for giving him the idea of a Bus Tour as a cover for campaigning ... Maaaan ...Politicians!!

The Democrats say that the President needs to “get to the people” as the main reason for the so-called “bus tour”. Well, in that case, here’s a plea please: Don’t run over we the people  trying to get to us the people.


Seen the "Newer Coke"?

Ia se'i fai aku se kala funny ... I hope.

There was the original Coke, the New Coke and then there's the "newer coke". Remember the days of the original Coke in Samoa? ...the "Real Thing"? The one that was around in the 70's and 80's when meat pies, keke pua'a, half-moon pies with a faguigu lapo'a (large bottle of soft drink) were the relish around town after school? And remember L&P - Lemon Paeroa? .. . which occupied the other end of the pendulum? Hahaa... I couldn't stand it though I did acquire its taste many pies later. But Coke was it!

And then there was the New Coke which aimed at replacing the original one. Some did not like it, so too bad ......

Well all these carbonated drinks - ae maise lava le kama o Coca Cola - made you involuntarily puff carbonation through your nostrils, invaded your tear ducts, then got teary eyed while standing outside the Tivoli Arcade. LOL!

And always standing by, watching and staring, was a little boy waiting for the empty bottle. I always wondered why they wanted the empty bottles. Recycling was not yet introduced at the time. But it was some local bottling companies that bought them back from these peddlers.

And there was still another reason for collecting these Coca Cola bottles - you just have to walk to the other side of town to see them re-used for the "newer coke" ... and being sold at the Makeki Fou ... Ia le real diet coke lele ...Ta Daaa! ....with ape, fugafuga, loli, etc.

"Newer Coke"
This newer coke oftentimes evoke laughter in stories and anecdotes of embarrassing moments, especially when the bottle breaks and the contents are spilled in a bus, at the airport or another public place. The smell can set off a foul odor alarm.

Amazingly this newer coke can boost one's immune system and has many other healthful benefits. Unfortunately, we cannot say the same thing about that other Coke, diet or regular! ... with some harmful health effects.

So as far as I'm concerned, the "newer coke" is the real Real Thing !!  Ia ua sau loa ma le fia ‘ai/igu i se newer coke ... aka fagusea! ... ae faaaoga foi ma le momogo pulu e valu ai le magesto lakou ....Hahahaaa!

What do you get for being Mormon?

from: http://universe.byu.edu/

Through entertaining stories mingled with hilarious jokes, Brad Wilcox enlightened Education Week's youth with wit and wisdom. In a spacious room in the Conference Center on Monday, Wilcox asked the youth one question: What did they get for being Mormon?

The father of a young man interested in joining the Church posed this same question to Wilcox while he served as a mission president in Chile.

"Oh, just a little thing," Wilcox replied. "Salvation."

Though to the point, this answer wasn't good enough for the inquiring father. He didn't believe in the spiritual, he wanted proof of the temporal.

"Let's talk, for just a few minutes, about the temporal blessings," Wilcox said. "Let's talk about what you get right here and now." Wilcox continued to list four temporal proofs of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

First, as members, you get to live a longer life. On average, Wilcox said, members of the Church live 10 to 11 years longer — an entire decade.

"If you don't believe me, you just think of Michael Jackson — he's dead," Wilcox joked. "Donny Osmond? He's dancing with the stars."

Wilcox said he didn't know why this was true, maybe it was the Word of Wisdom, or positive attitude, or maybe it was just because Mormons have too much to do.

"I can't die today, I've got four meetings to go to, a fireside, I've got to bake brownies," Wilcox said. "We just don't have time to die."

The second proof, according to Wilcox, was our opportunity to get better education. He explained members of the Church are 30 percent more likely to get an education than people who aren't members.

"Because you are Mormon you will be better educated," he said. "Mormons see it as a way to make a better life."

Wilcox cited studies showing members of the Church have more books in their homes. They also have more musical instruments, accompanied by more music lessons, than non-LDS houses.

"It's just a way of life for us," Wilcox said. "It's just part of who we are … that's why you see Mormons at any age and any stage going to school."

Third, Wilcox said he believes the Church leads to an international network of friends. The Church is the same everywhere, he said, and so, after moving to a new town, members have an instant community.

Wilcox experienced this himself, much to the confusion of his new next-door neighbor. The neighbor couldn't understand where all the extra hands (the priests, elders) emptying the moving van came from, where the free babysitter (the primary president) came from or where the chef (the Relief Society) for the free meal had appeared.

"We'd been in town one hour and we had more friends than he did," Wilcox said. "Anywhere you go you have instant friends."

The fourth and final proof for the Church showed in the strength of families and marriages within the gospel. Wilcox was quick to address those who experienced the heartache of divorce.

"Stretch your vision," he told the youth. "Start seeing all the families in the Church."

On a whole, the Church has the least amount of divorces across the board. On average, 1 in 2 marriages in the U.S. ends in divorce. For couples of the same faith, 1 in 4 marriages fail. For an LDS couple, not married in the temple, 1 in 6 marriages can't make it. However, for two members of the Church married in the temple, only 1 in 20 come to an end.

"Now, 1 in 20 is not tremendous," Wilcox said, "but it's a lot better than 1 in 2."

More than that, outside of the Church a study found 95 percent of children of divorces will also find themselves divorced.

"It's like a death sentence," Wilcox said. "You're going to be divorced too, unless you're Mormon."

Because the stats for the Latter-day Saints were so different, the scientists recreated the study, thinking something had gone wrong.

"You carry a hope inside of you," Wilcox said. "Even if your own family has struggled you still think, ‘you know what, I could have a happy family.' "

Because Wilcox focused on only the temporal blessings of the Church, he gave his best idea as to why these youth weren't shattered by divorce.

"You've got examples," he said. "Maybe your parents haven't pulled off the perfect ideal marriage, but you could give me the name of someone who has."

With these four points, Wilcox urged the youth to remember that being Mormon doesn't mean they're missing out on anything. They are not missing out on drinking, drugs or sex — they're gaining something.

"You are not missing something, you are the one getting something, they are the ones missing something," Wilcox said. "You are on the lifeboat, they are on the Titanic."

Wilcox explained to the youth the necessity to keep themselves clean. He held up two glasses half full with water. One represented a youth, the other represented a friend, caught in the wrong decisions. With each wrong decision, the friend lost a sip of water from the glass.

"At first it sure looked like your friend got something you missed," Wilcox said. "Turn that thinking around. He's the one that's missing something."

Wilcox went on to explain how happy marriages are formed. They are not formed through selfishness, which is how the friend learned to act. The friend, said Wilcox, will continually be searching for something he's missing.

"You take a look at any happily married couple in the Church and they're not looking," he said. "They have what everyone is trying to find."

Wilcox urged the youth to stay strong, remain faithful and stand by the Church.

"Yeah, it's hard being a Mormon," Wilcox said, "but it's a lot easier than being without it."


Find out more about Mormons and the LDS Church, visit: http://www.mormon.org/  and/or  http://www.lds.org/


Return to Paradise ...

...the title of a movie filmed in Samoa in the 50's, but also the title of a Samoan song - a true classic! Some of the lyrics include this line:

“I left my heart in Samoa ....”

my kelikoli ...ha!
Remember that song? ...or you have to be a certain age to recall it? Haa! It’s still around - on Youtube I think. It’s one of those songs that has a profound and unique mesmerizing effect on you as a sojourner. Every time I hear or sing it, I’m immediately lulled and transfixed to a tropical setting like this one >> (my kelikoli pic)

As sojourners and expatriates, it’s always a thrill to take a respite - to relax from our daily jobs and other routine tasks - and do some things that are culturally and ethnically visceral.

This past week, for three days, we had our church (ward) camp. We had the usual activities like barbecues, games, sitting around the fire telling jokes and laughing, etc. We played cricket (Samoan version), volleyball and other games during the day. At night we had skits and singing. I played the acoustic guitar and everyone, especially the older folks who still remember life back in Samoa, sang along to the Samoan oldies. A couple of my peers flanked me helping out with the core singing. Our bishop then joined in with the ukulele and soon the typical faaili i le malae i le po masina was complete. We sang, serenaded, reminisced and relived the good ol’ days in Samoa.

The oldies were harmonized in typical a cappella style of the aufaipese - with the intermittent pati and po (claps). Some in the group could not resist the urge to dance. And dance they did. Some danced uncomely and more comically, climbing the pavilion posts; others danced the siva in a more serious and discreet manner as if dying to relive their younger days, or were just taking advantage of the opportunity to mimic a genuine taupou in a graceful taualuga. All in all, it was a time of urbane fun and revelry for people who seemed to have deep yearnings and memories of a cultured past and proud heritage. The whole atmosphere was one of a fiafia night bordering on typical poula sociability.

Then there were others who resigned to the responsibilities of serving refreshments - either by duty or as a way of avoiding the limelight. These are usually the shy ones. Snacks like masi Saiga, bread with butter and siamu popo (coconut jam) and koko Samoa (Samoan cocoa), of course, were served and which added to the whole native feel and ambience of the night.

In another corner, a group of older men played suipi (Samoan bridge). They too sang along and their chitchats consisted of the usual suipi lingo, punctuated by laughter triggered by a detected crooked play, friendly taunts or by the winners after a hard fought game, and feted by the rest of the players and onlookers.

At one point during the whole joviality, there was a short break and in the silence that followed, I started strumming the C chord and went right into ...

...under the swaying palms

I left my heart in Samoa
Under the swaying palms
There I met my first love
There she’s waiting for me
Calling me back to my dreamland
‘Neath tropical skies
I must return to Samoa
Return to Paradise ....

Everyone seemed to be in nostalgic mood as they listened. Some who knew the song sang along, and a couple ad-libbed their own choreographic gestures. Simply paradisal!

Oh the thrills, excitement and raptures of camping - Hamo style! There are times during which you feel as if you have certainly returned to paradise ...even if just an ephemeral trance.


Caption Time...

Ok, here's a couple on one of my heroes (ahem, aHem, AHEM!), Mr. STui (PM of Samoa).

"Ok, let me say something - Most of you people criticize my party (HRPP) and government because you are all stupid!"

Woman whispers to STui: 
Mr Prime Minister, why do you have two drinks while the rest of us have  only one?
STui (PM): 
Because you are all stupid!


Samoa is Survivorland

Personally I think Samoa should be dubbed as "Survivorland" at least for its tourism advertisements and promotional campaigns. Samoa is, again, picked for the filming location of the full episodes of the new Survivor South Pacific as part of the popular Survivor TV reality series. This is the third time Samoa has been picked for filming of the Survivor series - Survivor: Samoa, Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains and now Survivor: South Pacific - to be aired September 14th. (Rumors say that Season 24 - South Pacific being 23rd - will also be filmed in Samoa.)

In today's instant reach of global information, these opportunities are priceless especially for a country that is increasingly dependent on tourism revenue. This is not lost to the Prime Minister himself who has lauded the perpetual exposure that Samoa receives through these trendy TV reality shows. Positive exposure equals tourists and tourists equal infiltration money ....and more!

The fringe (pun intended) benefits of these TV/media ventures and tourism are found in the beautification efforts in the outlying villages where beaches and other natural treasures and attractions are magnets to foreign travelers and vacationers. The PM has therefore urged the villages to "protect their forests, their beaches, their mangroves, their reefs and other natural bounties...."  Ecotourism is becoming popular because of its environment-friendly focus and Samoa is poised to become a favorite destination for ecotourists and travelers of similar interests. The Survivor TV series is an effective means of promoting this campaign.

Tourism also, in turn, helps in perpetuating and maintaining many cultural and traditional elements of more primitive Samoan society. In the end therefore many of the cultural, traditional, natural and environmental aspects of Samoa will be preserved - and survive.

Samoa has long been considered as "the best kept secret" in the South Pacific. Dubbing Samoa as "Survivorland" - whether due to a popular TV series or otherwise - is also fitting considering its relative resilience in maintaining its traditional mettle, and continual overall survival, even in the face of aggressive modernity.

Should Ineluctable Lead to Unelectable?

Okay, blame Obama. For what?...for the poor economy? - Oh, yes, I think so!

Is it fair? Who cares, the blame is - and should be - on him. Let me say this: It may not be fair, but ineluctable!

Whenever the President of the United States says: " The buck stops here!", that better apply not only to his authority, but also to his accountability ...as a Leader!

For the first two years - and even into the third - of Obama's administration, the blame keeps going back to President Bush - and the Republicans. Obama's finger keeps pointing to Bush for the poor economy he has inherited. He even used the "car in the ditch" analogy - that Bush and the Republicans drove the car (economy) into a ditch, hence the problem with the present economy. Here:

"[The Republicans] drove the economy into a ditch … We're pushing and we're shoving to get the car out of the ditch ….The whole time, the Republicans are standing up there, comfortable. Sipping on a Slurpee, watching us … Finally, we get this car back on level ground … And they say, ‘‘Excuse me, we want the keys back.'' You can''t have the keys back because you don''t know how to drive!"
What? They got the car back on level ground? I guess their version of "level" is associated with bumpy and sinuous ground. Remember "Yes we CAN?" I think the reason they CAN'T, is because the car is still in "D" (ahem) yes, for "Democrats" and so the car has sunk further into the Ditch. Duh!

So if Obama and the Democrats blamed Bush for the bad economy they inherited why should Obama not blamed for the mess America is in now? Or is it still Bush's fault?

American life is replete with examples of leaders' responsibility/accountability and consequences, yet some politicians seem to be indifferent and thick-skinned (ok , I know, politicians are inherently thick-skinned) about the whole concept.

For example when a professional sports team has a losing record, do they fire the players? Hardly! Instead they fire the coach - the Leader. When a company keeps losing money, they fire the CEO - the Leader. When an organization does not achieve its goals, the Leader has to go. Then why should it be different in politics? (Again I know the BIG difference - it's politics! Sadly politics is responsible for most major decisions that affect our lives. In Obama fashion, therefore, let's place the blame elsewhere ...uhmm, maybe ... the Greeks?)

Again, is it fair to blame Obama for the slumping economy? Why not? And even if it's not fair, it is ineluctable ... and therefore, he should be unelectable in 2012.