A man will pay two-dollars for a one-dollar item he needs, but a woman will pay one-dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about her future until she finds a husband, but a man never worries about the future until he takes a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, but a successful woman is one who can find such a man!

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

If your wife is shouting at the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in!

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

If your wife laughs at your joke, it means you either have a good joke, or a good wife.

Chivalry is dead and don’t be fooled by a man who opens the door of the car for his wife. Though when that happens today, it’s usually because the car is new ... or the wife is newer.

A nagging old woman at a party walked up to a belligerent old man and told him, "If you were my husband I would poison your drink!" To which he replied, "If you were my wife I would drink it!"

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her!

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